The name on everybody’s lips these days. Donald J. Trump. Also Donald Glover, but this article isn’t about the striking, nerdy actor. It’s about businessman and actual President of the United States (POTUS). I know what you’re going to say after simply reading the headline. This man is a racist; this man is a bigot; this man wants to take away my healthcare; this man will auction off large tracts of land to terrorists; etc.


However, I am a single issue voter, and I’m here to tell you that Donald Trump is—from my perspective—incredibly woke.

Ursa sapiens rights. Ever since I was a child, I’ve adored my teddy bear. I loved this bear so much, I decided to write a 4th grade essay on why bears deserve the same rights as humans. Bears are very similar to humans in their contribution to science and technology, as they were the first to invent the telephone and virtual reality fishing. Bears never landed on the moon, but then again neither did people, people.

Donald J. Trump has prioritized bear rights, recognizing their wise nature and commanding leadership as our country falls into disrepair.

Trump’s policy on trade negotiations incorporate bear rights, as he is a major proponent for bear jobs in the U.S. steel industry, in which a high percentage of laborers and even factory managers are of bear descent. He even included a bear in the current cabinet as US Trade Representative, known to his pack as Robert Lighthizer.

Born in Ohio, Lighthizer was one of the first bears to be accepted to Georgetown Law, the first Jesuit law school. He gained renown for his work under the Reagan administration as deputy trade representative, but because of his bear heritage was unfairly prevented from public office of higher prestige. His paw size is approaching record sizes at 25.4 cm in diameter (10 in), and he stands at a proud height of 6 ft 5 in. His pack still resides mainly in Ashtabula Township, though some have journeyed across state lines into Northwestern Pennsylvania along the banks of Lake Erie.

I implore you to reserve judgment on Donald J. Trump’s other policies and take a look at what matters most.

As far as I’m concerned, Trump may be the wokest president since Abraham Lincoln; just may be the POTUS with the mostest.

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